Two become one

Mid-week our kids are looking out the window and say where is daddy? (He was upstairs) and I ask why? They then proceed to ask “whose car is in the driveway?”  And our 2-year-old yells “daddy’s car all gone” WHAT? what do they mean? I peeked out the window and there was a shiny new car.  I marched upstairs and asked my husband hoping it was something else and without a fraction of fear for his life he parted his lips and said its my new car I traded my car in. I HIT THE ROOF {I know I’m almost 8 months pregnant and supposed to stay calm} my blood boiled, I felt my body heat rise, temper flare and I shouted how could you be so selfish…how could you make a large purchase like this without a single discussion –all this talk about open communication and trying to get on track financially [in preparation for new baby and to finish a bunch of projects in our new older home, not to mention buy a new minivan] he justified his action by saying the payments would come out of his account and not the joint account {he saw this as this is MY money and I will do as I please} and while we have separate pots YOUR, MINE, OURS…ultimately it’s all ours.

I stormed out the house leaving him home with the children ~ I needed to breathe, drive, cry, vent, and calm myself down for the sake of the growing child in my belly and our marriage so I didn’t turn around and say or do something that would hurt our marriage

it’s my job as a spouse a to be kind and understanding but I couldn’t, I couldn’t find it in me and I think the reason was that throughout the week my gut told me he was up to something…and instead of sitting down and discussing he chose to sneak and slither–coming and going as he pleased with a total disregard for how I would feel once he pulled into the drive

I know what some may say “better to ask for forgiveness, than permission” but this…THIS is different it violates the trust, it takes me out of the equation for decision-making and agreements in OUR house.  This was a case of I see it I want it and if I discuss with my wife she will try to stop me.

I suppose you are wondering what happened next…how was I now dealing with this rift. Well much better, I’d say; I binge watched episodes of Game of Thrones and went to bed with one comment to him “fix this.” I woke in the morning feeling less hurt and angry, less like I wanted disappear…I just breathed and said what’s done is done. I don’t like it, I don’t support decisions like that in our marriage and at this point I don’t know {or trust} that something like this won’t happen again.

But

what I do know is…. he sincerely apologized, he saw my anger and hurt. It all runs much deeper than making a large purchase in the household without discussion NO – it’s not just that – it’s those sinking thoughts and feeling that creep inimage

  • if he can sneak around so easily what else could he be doing
  • does he care about my feelings
  • can this break our marriage
  • lie of omission is a LIE and will lying in our marriage become a trend
  • how can I trust him
  • Does he have the best interest of our family in mind

WE are all a work in progress and I’m nowhere near perfect I do not intend to let this break us{me} but I do now require things I didn’t quite require prior to this to rebuild the trust.

if this was your situation how would you react? Do you think I overreacted? Do you think that because some one has a separate bank account from family finances that they can do as they please, large purchases included without discussion?

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2 thoughts on “Two become one

    • Rickettedly Awesome says:

      It was really really tough I honestly think in the time we have been together one of the toughest things for me…we are still going to bring in to need our pastor to come and just talk with us the actual act was forgiven but the violation of the trust and maneuvers just are tough to deal with. But I understand it’s all apart of growing together -and understanding we are one.

      Like

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