B days: Am I too strict??

Hey there, so wanted to bounce wp-image-1046492507something off of you all. What would you consider to be too strict in a home when raising children? Every time I lay down the law in our home by making and enforcing rules I ask myself, am I too strict…

Example:

Once school started back up our son isn’t allowed on his devices during the school week, so no iPod apps, no Nintendo DS, or video game console[for the record I think it sounds pretty fair.] The reason that came about was because he’s so engrossed that nothing gets done or he rushes to get things done (i.e. chores and homework) in order to get to his device of choice. It would drive us nuts his homework was sloppy he didn’t check his work, at times he “missed” assignments, his chores were done half-assed (example of that he was supposed to fold and put away his clothes I found them all shoved under his bed-yup I saw red that day). My point is that in my head I’m doing what I think is best for him to be the best he can be without those distractions so he can stay focused…or that’s what I tell myself.

Yesterday I made an exception because it was his birthday. After he completed his homework I handed him his iPhone (just an old phone that isn’t activated but he can get and play apps-we will save phone convo for another post no time soon) but when I tell you he wouldn’t put it down he barely looked up to give the waitress his order (drives me nuts more than anything), then it died “thank God” I said to myself now he can come up for air and join us at his birthday dinner. As soon as we got to the car he charged it and was glued and when we got home somewhere between I can’t take this anymore and I have go be rigid I told him “alright night’s over you have school tomorrow turn over your device and off to bed.”

Then, I go on my iPad and an app is opened it’s one of the games he’s been begging to use my laptop to play, to play with his friends…I have no clue when it was downloaded and when he’s been sneaking on it but I’m fuming a little bit but then I wonder…is it me?..am I too strict? Are these rules unfair? Am I the Fun Police? I always thought I would be the cool mom and sometimes I am but most times I’m the enforcer. But the rules are put in place to keep him focused and because I tried the laxed approach and it just got me a kid glued to the screen, not paying attention to a damn thing, whose response to everything was “oops, I forgot”

So my readers any suggestions? What works in your home? Should I stay my course and if he doesn’t like it tough shit??? I truly don’t want to create an environment where our kids are sneaking all the time.

5 thoughts on “B days: Am I too strict??”

  1. Something to keep in mind… Sometimes it is the kid and not the rules. Some kids can self motivate, adjust and set boundaries and some just can’t, even with rules in place (I know because I have both kinds). Like everything, it is a balancing act of finding what works and what doesn’t for that particular child. If rules help, then set the rules. If the child is pretty good at maintaining a decent balance (no one is ever going to be perfect) of doing what they want vs. what they are responsible for, then lots of rules really aren’t that necessary and it becomes a matter of just having rules to be the one in charge kind of a thing. There is never really a right and a wrong way as long as it is all to a positive end.

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    • Rickettedly Awesome says:

      Thank you so much for this advice. With our kid it seems almost like an addiction, he needs to be on this device…he will lie, sneak and steal to be on it. It worries me a more than it bothers me. So definitely the kid though I’m sure he thinks I’m the fun police joy stealer lol. I don’t want to be the parent that has rules just to have them but I do want to make sure he’s able to focus on what he is supposed to do such as doing well in school and helping out around the house. Do you find that you have to set rules in order to keep your kids focused?

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      • We absolutely did with my oldest (now 19 and out of the house). He just had the mindset that he would do what he wanted and absolutely nothing else. We tried a reward system for good behavior. Didn’t work. Taking things away. Again, didn’t work. He would spend more time and energy trying to skirt the rules than he would have if he just followed them in the first. I know none of that is helpful in the least because it is an issue we never solved, to the point he chose to leave rather than try to follow some very basic rules in the end (pass your classes, don’t talk to and share inappropriate pics with strangers on the internet, yes it got really bad).

        My other two? I just almost don’t need rules. They are incredibly self motivated, set very high goals for themselves and work towards them (at least in the areas that are important to them). They may slack a little in some areas, but in the grand scheme of things, they are areas that just don’t really matter. The only real rules we’d ever had were with regard to staying safe and teaching personal responsibility.

        My only advice would probably be to try new things and see if they work differently. The one time my middle child broke a big rule, I really took my time to think about the rule, why he broke it (talking to someone on the internet without permission) and realized that just taking things away didn’t do much. Instead, I made him, the shy, quiet kid, go to school and talk to 5 new people. People he didn’t know or had ever talked to in the past. Even if it was just a “hey” kind of thing. He HATED it, but he did it. In the end, he made a couple of new friends and I was forced to rethink how kids these days express their needs for social interaction. It ended up being really good for both of us.

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      • Rickettedly Awesome says:

        That was a great idea and well thought out! They are all truly different and each requires their own set of rules. Our 3 yr old is so very different at her age then our 11 yr old was at her age. Our 11 yr old great kid, usually follows the rules but this one he can’t seem to get behind. But you are right I don’t want my rules to seem like punishment bc as I mentioned he’s a great kid…good grades, great big brother, helper around the house but when devices come into play it’s almost as if brain cells are escaping out of his ears and he turns into a dud. I will take your advice trying new things and see if we can get different results that he doesn’t feel like he’s being policed all the time and I can get him to focus and find balance. Hmm 🤔

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