Why I No Longer Thank My Husband…

Being a work from home mom[YUP, I work a 40 hour week while tending to a 3 yr old and an infant–I walk on the wild side!] I spend my days doing what seems like working around the clock my jobs blend because they are in fact blending I can’t say to work I have a sick baby hold on and I can’t say to the kids I can’t feed you til I get my lunch break so everything bunches together. Well because of that sometimes I jump at going to the nail salon, getting my hair done or what used to be yoga[have to get back to that] but basically anything that let’s me be kid free for a bit. So I make sure hubs has instructions (give baby this many ounces, leftovers or nuggets for dinner), blah blah blah and out the door I go…

I enjoy my time and head home.

When I arrive at home I always ask how were they for you? I know, he’s not the babysitter but I’m curious — wanting to know were they a chaotic bunch, rowdy, bickering and baby fussing or were they charming and delightful [secretly hoping for the first scenario so he gets a dose of my daily struggle] and then I say Thank You so much- – and I wonder how many moms say Thank You to their husband or the father of their children for them getting a moment to themselves. I used to say Thank You, for the moments he tended to babe while I took a long hot shower. WHY? This is what we are supposed to do/be…relief for one another, help mates, a tag team or whatever you want to call it, but we’ve gotten away from that. I do majority of the tending and when I get away the first thing I do is show gratitude…But this isn’t something he has ever had to think of, he’s never come home and said “thank you felt so good to get out for my weekly bowling league with the guys, how were the kids?” When he runs somewhere kid-free he doesn’t come home and say Thank You. When he gets a long hot shower and time to shave without interruption he doesn’t say Thank You and the reason being is because it’s expected and because it’s not even something that crosses his mind. This isn’t a bash session this is just the way some of us are conditioned we don’t get a lot of time to ourselves so when we do we are appreciative and thankful to the person that granted us our moment of freedom. 

So yesterday I went to get my hair done, gave my usual instructions and out the door I went. Upon my arrival all kids were asleep and so was hubs. I said hello, I’m back and good night. I had time to eat, pee and pump before infant had me back to mom duty.

I say all this to say Moms we are deserving of time away from the kids[doesn’t make us a bad mom or negligent]…be it a long 20 minute shower, going for a walk, grocery shopping, spas, brunch with girlfriends, weekly fitness classes, whatever and we shouldn’t feel guilty or feel saved when the other parent takes over so we can do those things. While yes we do appreciate it we should expect it[we aren’t abandoning our family we are simply hitting pause]. We shouldn’t have to ask or beg for it, we should be a team–coordinate schedules and communicate. But one parent should never feel trapped or like they got their [pardon] papers to grab some kid-free time.

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